All That Really Matters

I have a confession to make. I LOVE reading blogs. I read them like I would read a book. Sometimes I read them all the way through from finish to start. It's not so much a nosiness. I just find other people's lives fascinating! Especially when they are so similar to mine. I don't have hundreds of same sex newlyweds/families in my neighborhood. I can pretty much say there are none where we live now. I can get online though and there are HUNDREDS of families like ours. Of course most of them are scattered all around the country and Canada! It is so nice to turn on the computer and all of a sudden I am surrounded by people like me. Most of you are engaged in the homosexual agenda pointed out by politicians and evangelical organizations, as am I. I am sure that your homosexual agenda is somewhat like mine: paying the mortgage, doing homework with kids, housework, doing the laundry, cooking dinner, paying bills.....really deviant stuff. and the worst of all, settling down, getting married, and *gasp* having children!


 Most of the blogs I read these days are family and children oriented. It seems that now there are more GLBT families having children. And writing about it. Since I have started reading these blogs and we have started the very early process of TTC, I've noticed some anxiety. I seem to go right for the TTC timeline when I find a new blog. This is usually, for those of you not familiar with this term the "Trying To Conceive Timeline" These usually read as pretty depressing and discouraging. To me anyway. They start with dates at the beginning and it usually goes through all the dates, in order, of all procedures, IUI and IVF attempts. It also includes surgeries, procedures that have been needed to increase fertility. I have recently started becoming really discouraged by these and all the years of posts. It seems that there is a long road ahead of us! I don't want to stop reading these because I love the community that is developed. But sometimes when I look at the start to when a couple actually has a baby, it is a two-three year span. When I factor in J's PCOS and the fact that she has to take medication just to have a period it seems like this may be really hard. She says she only wants to do six IUI's. Then reevaluate. I just wonder if we are setting ourselves up for a lot of heartache and financial strain.


Don't get me wrong, I was really thrilled that J changed her mind and decided that she really did want to try to get pregnant. I am so proud of her for really digging down to see that fear was really keeping her from becoming a mother. Fear and anxiety have been issues that she had for a long time. So for her to decide that she really did want children was amazing. Part of my problem is that I read to much. I read all about everything against us. In print and online. I read about the years and years of heartache, procedures, stress. Even the foster parents, adoption stories are heartbreaking. It makes me nervous, and anxious about the whole process. Most of you know I have two children already. I am forty two. J is thirty four. She has never had the joy of becoming a mother. I worry for her that she may be heartbroken. I worry that we may both get our hopes up and it won't happen. 


So for now, I try not to read anymore timelines. I try to stay positive. I truly believe if we are meant to be parents of more children it will happen. I believe that the power of positive thinking is important. It is something I struggle with. I tend to be a worrier. I am working on that. I am working on believing that if we stay positive, believing that we can do this. It will happen.


The most important thing I believe is that I love J with all my heart. I know that whatever happens we will be happy together. That we are a family.  We have such a wonderful extended family all around us. It gets us through. We are literally surrounded by family. My in laws are across the street (they have an amazing pool and we pretty much live outside around it all summer.) and J's sister and family are two doors down. Her great aunt is another two doors away.  My family lives about and hour and a half away. We get our two nephews (one is mine and one is hers, they are literally city mouse and country mouse, so getting them together is hilarious!) together to spend weekends with us quite often.  We frequently get both of our families together for meals, cookouts, swimming, holidays and birthdays. We are so blessed that both of our families support us and get along really well. Our moms actually get together on their own and go to lunch! As someone who has never lived near family before and moved around a lot as a child, it is awesome to have this family and community that surrounds us. 


I have come to realize, this is all that really matters.